When an act is committed, at times it can seem impossible to even contemplate the F-word (we’re talking about forgiveness).
However, over time wounds do heal and eventually, forgiveness starts to seem possible again.
The issue of forgiveness was recently focussed upon by TB Joshua in one of his services, as he focussed on that and the polar opposite in the form of unforgiveness.
It would be fair to say that this service uncovered some home truths and if you are someone who is looking to achieve forgiveness for somebody close, we have documented four steps which might help make the process a little easier.
Step #1 – What was the incident?
This first step is all about understanding the matter. A lot of people are quick to incur anger because of a particular incident, and therefore feel quite unforgiving in the immediate aftermath. However, do these people really understand the incident which caused this upset in the first place?
Usually, the answer to the above is a resounding no. Instead of opting for this blind approach, you need to understand exactly what happened, how it happened and how it made you feel. The best advice is to consider this some time after the incident, so your judgement isn’t impaired.
Step #2 – How did you develop following the incident?
This might be one of the more challenging issues for people to grasp – as it can be quite difficult to pick out positives from something which in simple terms, feels the complete opposite.
However, in a bid to conquer forgiveness, this step is crucial. You need to look deep into the incident and see if there as anything that you learned about yourself. It’s at this point where you will see how you survived the incident – and if there was any personal growth that formed part of it.
Step #3 – What about the person?
If you thought the previous step was difficult to master, you may also have problems with this next one. However, if you can understand this, you will be well on the way to securing forgiveness.
Like it or not, every human under the sun has flaws. We all have our own beliefs, and we will all act from them accordingly. Usually, arguments or disputes are caused when a person is attempting to have a need met – which might contradict your own needs. You need to understand what their need was, why it was important to them and how they have tried to secure it in a hurtful way.
This understanding is crucial and will help you understand, and potentially forgive the person, much more easily.
Step #4 – Should you tell the person you have forgiven them?
Hopefully, you are now in a position to forgive the person. It’s at this point where you need to ask yourself how to express your forgiveness. Should you tell the person, or just display the feeling naturally? Each case and each person will result in different methods – so we can’t specifically help here. If you have reached this point, the situation has at least been a success though.